The Social Brain

This week I’m exploring something quietly powerful about the social brain. From old school photos to bonobos recognising family decades later, it turns out we don’t just remember faces… we remember feelings. I also look at how curiosity shapes identity, especially in children, and what that means for us as adults. 

Transcript

The Social Brain 0:00

Hello fellow human. At least I'm assuming you're human. Even if most of us are part Neanderthal, I'm gonna bet you're not a bonobo. Not that we are very different really though. I've been reading some research by a Dr. Laura Simone Lewis recently. She studies the social minds of chimpanzees and Bonobos. And using eye tracking studies, she found that these apes can recognise former group members they haven't seen in years, decades even. And not just vaguely recognising them, but a huge reaction, especially the ones they had positive relationships with, which to me is amazing. A bonobo who hasn't seen a relative in nearly 30 years still knows them. Still responds to them differently from pictures of strangers, which means that's not just memory, that's emotional memory. Interestingly, they were less interested in group members they'd had conflict with in their past, which suggests something important. Remembering who treated us kindly, who had our back, may matter more than remembering who didn't. Which suggests that feeling safe is more about being in a social group than it is about avoiding danger. So Dr. Lewis ran another study with some chimpanzees and others with young children, did the same thing. She built something called curiosity boxes, little wooden boxes with a door you had to hold open and a screen inside. On the screen were videos and some showed individuals doing things alone. Others showed social interactions and both the chimps and the children did the same thing. They showed a preference for the social videos. They held the flap open for longer and paid more attention. It seems it's hardwired into us to be drawn to each other. But then it got a bit interesting'cause they showed videos of positive social interactions, playing, grooming, cooperation and negative ones conflict, tug of war games, aggression. At age four, boys and girls were not that different a slight preference for the positive interactions. But at age six, something had shifted. Girls became more drawn to the positive interactions, and boys became more drawn to the negative ones. So this shift happened around the age they started school, which means that this is about socialisation. Those quiet lessons, those unspoken rules. Messages like don't be so soft or be nice. Over time, these nudges shape what children pay attention to, what they value, what they think relationships are supposed to look like. And curiosity shapes attention. And attention shapes identity. If girls are trained to notice emotional harmony, they may grow up to be more attuned to others, but sometimes at the cost of their own needs. If boys are trained to focus on conflict, they might grow up to be more competitive, but less comfortable with vulnerability. But if it's learned, It can be unlearned if it needs to be. We all need to be aware of that. There was one moment from this research that really stayed with me, though. There was a bonobo called Louise. She was the one who hadn't seen her sister or nephew in nearly 30 years. When researchers showed her photos of them, something changed compared to any other photo they'd shown her. If she was a human, they'd say that she was gobsmacked. The researchers couldn't say exactly what she felt. She's a bonobo, she couldn't say. But they knew that something clicked. And that's very human.'cause we all have moments like that. Maybe you hear a song and you're suddenly back in your nan's kitchen or something. You see a name and you feel a pang, something you didn't expect. Because we don't just store facts, we store our feelings. And sometimes there's a nudge to reach out, to send a message, to reconnect. If you're feeling disconnected lately, or a bit numb, it might be because you're in a culture that goes against all your basic hard wiring. Because connection matters. So maybe this week's takeaway is this. That your attention is precious, where you place it matters. So choose to notice the good. Choose to remember kindness, and if you're parenting, teaching, mentoring, or just sharing space with other people, remember that every interaction teaches someone what to pay attention to. Let's teach each other well. Be curious about people, not just problems, and give your social brain what it craves. Connection, compassion. And a little bit of wonder maybe. Have a good weekend, everybody. I'll speak to you next time. See ya.