Self‑Compassion

This week I'm peeking into the quiet power of self-compassion. What it really means, why it feels so difficult, and how we can gently build it into our daily lives.

Transcript

Self‑Compassion: 0:00

And hello to you and welcome to this Friday bonus topup episode. Just a little five minute pause. Do offer, offer yourself something today that many of us forget to give. Self-compassion. Not just being nice to yourself when things go well, that part's easy, but being gentle when things go wrong, that's where the work is. We're often told to be kind, to forgive, to listen. And we do, for others. For our friends, our partners, our kids we'll say, don't worry, you're only human. You did your best. But when we mess up ourselves, that same kindness often goes straight outta the window. And what shows up instead is things like, you're useless. You always do this. What's wrong with you? And we need to recognise when that happens that that voice, that's not truth, that's your inner critic a loud, unfiltered, and often completely unfair part of you. So if you are prone to this when it happens, stop for a moment, take a breath and remind yourself I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.'cause in these moments, you ARE doing your best. If you weren't, you'd have done better, wouldn't you? Maybe at another time you could have done better. A younger you, an older wiser you, a less tired and emotional you, but if you screw something up because you weren't at your best, you still did the best you could at the time. So it's okay to remind yourself that. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. If you are listening to and understanding this, it's likely you're human. And humans fail. We all make mistakes. Recognising that everyone fails, everyone struggles, and you're not alone is really important. And it sounds simple, doesn't it? But if it's so simple, why so often do we avoid it? Why does self-compassion feel wrong to us? Well, one reason might be your upbringing. You gotta remember that the beliefs we develop when we're young really do stick around. You ask any atheist who was brought up Catholic, they still feel guilty over the slightest of things. Beliefs, they get into your bones. And we might have learned that showing kindness is weakness. That success means never failing, never showing flaws. The inner critic becomes loud then. Don't be a loser. Don't be weak. And if you try self-compassion there, it might feel like cheating or like making excuses, letting yourself off the hook. Another thing is our culture. We're often told to hustle, to push harder, to prove ourselves. We compare ourselves to unhealthy metrics of success. And then when we stumble, which we inevitably do, we feel defective. Which makes no sense. If you set the bar yourself and you deliberately set it above your capabilities, you are going to stumble. That's how we learn how we grow. It's part of it. And then there's the mind trap of what we call over identification, where you might think I am a mistake rather than I made a mistake, which is a big difference. I am a mistake. I am a failure carries shame. I made a mistake, carries the possibility for something better next time. And I know I've said this before, but it's easier to extend compassion to others than it is to ourselves. You'll comfort a friend. You'll listen and say gentle kind things to them, but when it's you, you're more likely to judge, to criticise, to self punish. So that's where you start. With the awareness that these things contribute to the problems. So you know that you can gently and deliberately start to cultivate self-compassion into your habits. So when you're inner critic, fires up, pause, ask, what would I say to a friend in this situation? Often the compassionate words that we need and deserve feel more natural if we imagine them for somebody else. But when you do, you've then got a template in your mind of how better to talk to yourself. So go do that if you need to. I'll be back on Monday on Patreon with a full episode, of course. Catch me on there if you want to hear more about this, and I'll talk to you then. See ya.