Reframing

Sometimes all it takes is a tiny tweak in how we talk to ourselves. You can actually have the same event but create a completely different feeling about it. It's called reframing and can shift your mindset, boost gratitude, and make everyday life feel that bit lighter.

Transcript

Richard: 0:00

Another week, another podcast episode, folks. How are you doing? Hopefully things are going all right for you, but if they're not, I hope at least you can find different perspectives.'cause that's what I want to talk about today. Reframing. Quick story for you. A couple of weeks ago, my mum needed to go for a blood test. Now she can't walk. She's in a wheelchair, so it was me taking her. My sister works full time, she's got contracted hours, but I've got more flexibility. So off we went and bless her, she kept apologising. She kept saying things like, I'm sorry you had to take time off work for this. I had to stop her and say, mum. I don't have to take time off work. I get to. I get the chance to spend some time with you. I get the chance to move my work around'cause I'm self-employed. I've got the privilege of being able to work at eight o'clock at night if I want to.'cause that's when I'm recording this. And instantly the energy shifted. She smiled, she relaxed, and so did I.'cause what could, so easily have been framed as an interruption became a gift. And that's what reframing does. It doesn't change the situation, but it changes the way we see it. Saying I have to, that's heavy. That primes us to feel burdened, resentful, even stressed. But I get to invites gratitude. It reminds us of the privilege behind the task. Now, it's important to say that reframing is not about faking positivity. We're shifting our focus, adjusting the lens on a camera. The garden's the same, but if you zoom in on the weeds, it's gonna look scruffy. Zoom in on the flowers and it looks beautiful, and we can reframe anything. Think about housework. I have to do the washing. Well, that's a drag, but I get to have clean clothes that's lighter. Could even maybe help you to feel grateful. Like work. If someone says on a Friday night, what you up to tomorrow? And you say, I have to go to work, that's gonna feel heavy. Even just reframing the language, changing that a bit to I'm in work tomorrow. It's more matter of fact. And if you can remind yourself at the same time, I get to earn money, I get to support myself. That feels different, again. Exercise is something that often needs a reframe. I have to go for a run. Already, your brain's trying to talk you out of it. But I get to move my body. I get to feel stronger. I get to protect my health. That gives that exercise purpose. So this isn't just about fluffy language'cause this is the foundation of psychotherapy. Our thoughts shape our emotions, and if we can change the way that we describe a situation, then we can change the way that we feel about it. Like you've heard me say a million times, the brain doesn't know the difference between fact and fiction. It reacts to the words we feed it. I have to often means obligation and stress hormones. I get to is gonna mean gratitude and dopamine. You have the same event, but you could end up with a totally different body chemistry. It's hard to see it sometimes, but it's no secret that there are people in hospital beds who would love to say, I get to go for a walk. My mum would love to be able to say that. And my wife would give anything to be able to say, I get to take my mum for a blood test. But she can't, her mum died last year. Now I'm not saying this to guilt trip, anybody, I'm saying this to remind us all. So often the things we call burdens are actually privileges. So here's something simple. Notice the next time you say I have to, and just pause. See if you can swap it for an I get to or just strip it back like instead of I have to go to work, try, I'm going to work. It's lighter. See how it feels. Life's full of have tos, but hidden inside, most of them is a get to. Where the situation doesn't change, but the story we tell ourselves does. And that story is gonna shape how we feel. It shapes how we show up and how others experience us. Like my mum, who went from feeling like a burden to feeling valued just because of one little reframe. So maybe this week, keep a list at the end of the day in your head or jot it down if you like. What did you get to do? You might surprise yourself. Alright folks, that's it for today. This is only my Friday bonus episode after all the full length one is on Patreon. If you want it, go and look me up. Take care of yourself and I'll speak to you soon.