Trauma Re-enactment

In short, re-enactment in response to trauma means repeating past events as a way of trying to resolve them. But until we are made aware of it we often compulsively and unconsciously make things worse for ourselves.

Transcript

Richard: 0:00

Hiya, time for a five minute bonus episode to keep you going. Every Friday, I put out a significantly condensed version of one of the topics that I make on Patreon, so if you do enjoy having an extra episode each week rather than only on the first of the month, then do please head on over to Patreon.com. Where you can support the work that I do and hopefully get some benefit at the same time, and not just for you, but the money you pledge goes to help a lot of folk who really need therapy but just can't afford it. It's just one of those common correlations. The effects of an abusive childhood can echo right the way through someone's life. Trauma leaves scars that can shape almost everything we do and how we see ourselves. One of those traits is what we call trauma reenactment, and that can be from any trauma, really. Abusive relationships, be it with partners, bosses, or assault, almost always create this unconscious expectation that the trauma is gonna happen again, which creates a need for self-protection. Now for some that anxiety makes people hide away, but when they do come outta their cage and attempt to live their life, it can almost look like some are addicted to trauma. And I know that sounds daft, who'd wanna sign up for that? But it happens. Although not everyone responds this way, but many unconsciously gravitate towards abusive individuals drawn in by the familiarity of it. And at first you might think, why would our instincts lead us towards those who might harm us, given our deeper instinct to avoid danger? One theory suggests that our instincts might drive us to repeat the original abuse, to try and gain a sense of control over it. But it doesn't work, and they get trapped in cycles of exploitation and never truly resolve their trauma. You can only heal when you feel safe, and I want everyone to know about this because watching a friend go from one abusive relationship to another, repeatedly, can be really frustrating. But as friends, we can be a beacon of support and trustworthiness and show them that they deserve respect and care. We need to be a safe place for them. So that means not blaming them for putting up with being in an abusive relationship. So instead of saying You need to leave them! Try telling them how you feel instead I don't like seeing you hurt, it worries me. Things like that.'cause it's about you that way, not them. And you show them that you understand and care without making them feel at fault. It can make you want to shake them sometimes, but that's the last thing they need. Breaking free from the victim blaming mentality is crucial for survivors to heal and overcome any feelings of shame and guilt. Recovering from an abusive past is a challenging journey, and like I say, it needs a safe environment. Unfortunately, recovery from an abusive past is unlikely in an abusive present. To challenge old beliefs and redefine what's acceptable survivors need to shine a light on the injustice they experienced, but that needs to be done slowly so as not to retraumatise, so they need a trauma therapist for that. Now, the flip side to this is that some survivors do find themselves in a safe relationship, but they're still not healing. They project their anger towards their new safe partner and create arguments that serve no purpose.'cause they've got this association between violence and love in their past. Understanding this can help partners to navigate the situation with empathy and patience and not take it personally. Recovery from trauma is a huge task that requires a lot of patience and self-compassion. Healing from guilt, shame, and triggers is really hard. It can feel like a slow, gradual process. But with time, self-compassion and a safe environment trauma survivors can look back and see their past as a distant chapter in their life. That doesn't define who they are. So if this is you or it's somebody you care about, please remember, healing is possible. It takes time, it takes patience, but the past doesn't have to be the thing that decides your future. So. I'll love you and leave you for now. I'm not even scratching the surface of this in a five minute episode. I'm barely making a mark, but like I say, I do talk about this in a bit more detail on Patreon. Six pounds a month, folks, and you might just save somebody's life. Maybe your own. Maybe you need it, do it for you, maybe. Either way, it'd be lovely to see you on Patreon. Take care.