Motivation

What's the difference between someone who has all the motivation and enthusiasm you could wish for and someone who, even though they don't have depression, still can't feel motivated? Well, in order to answer that I think it's worth looking at what motivation actually is.

Transcript

Richard: 0:02

And hello to you, and welcome to the Richard Nicholls podcast, the personal development podcast series that's here to help inspire, educate, and motivate you to be the best you can be. I'm psychotherapist Richard Nicholls, and this episode is titled Motivation. And if you are ready, we'll start the show. Happy New Month. You lovelies Hope you've had a good start to your summer. I've just got back from a couple of city breaks. I went to Prague and then Vienna for a few days each, which was amazing. I don't get away very often, so it was quite nice to see some different things. Nice to get. Back though, and come back to work. And I know I'm quite privileged to be in a job. I don't need a week away to escape from,'cause a lot of people live for their holidays and even their weekends. And as Monday gets closer, every hour that goes by on a Sunday seems to sap their energy and their motivation before finally Monday comes around and they've gotta drag themselves along. Energy and motivation are funny things, aren't they? Some mornings, even if it takes a couple of strong coffees, we've got that spark. We want to get things done, and then there are other times where there's nothing. We go through the motions, but. The spark's gone. And that doesn't usually flip. Day to day tends to last in seasons. We'll go through whole months where we're full of drive and then maybe whole months where we can't be bothered. But we are still the same person, same brain, same body. And in the absence of something like depression. What's the difference between those two versions of us? What actually is motivation? Well, to me, motivation is the feeling that's in between the thinking and the doing. Some people call it energy because motivation feels energetic. They want to do something and they feel ready to do it, and to them, that's motivation. It's the fuel that makes things happen. And I like that. That makes sense to me, that motivation is the fuel. Because if we want to power something, we can't just have fuel. We have to get fuel. We can't have motivation. We have to get motivation. And once you know how to do that, then you can use motivation as fuel to help you to get things done. And one of the ways of doing that is to make sure that there is a purpose to the action. It's almost impossible to feel motivated to do something that feels pointless if there's no reason to do it. There's no spark between the thought and the action. There's no fuel. There's no fire. But if there is a reason, even if it's a small one, we can light the match. Purpose creates ambition, and ambition brings motivation. Now, if your only goal right now is just to get outta bed and make it through the day, that is still a goal. And in the depths of depression, that might be the only ambition you've got and that's okay. Even then, you can give yourself a sense of purpose. Now in the real depths of depression, sometimes that might be the only ambition we have just to get outta bed or to just have a shower and then wait to go back to bed again. But even in those cases, our ambition can include other things, whether it's to find recipes for healthy meals, to make sure that we are getting nutrition or recipes for cheesecakes to make sure we're not missing out on the things we like. No matter what a purpose to what we are going to do is going to give us the motivational fuel to make it happen without a purpose. All we have is this feeling of simply trying to make it through the day and we are going to resent our own lives. If that keeps up, it's going to feel boring. It's going to feel pointless because it is pointless. Unless there is a purpose to what we're doing, then there is no point in doing it. Now the reasons to do them and the purpose may well be there and we're just not seeing them. Maybe because it's somebody else's purpose. And if that's the case, we might need to make it our own as well, or have our own separate purpose. We might need to rethink things, wipe the slate clean, and ask ourselves if I could start all over again, what would I do with my life? Because if after really thinking about that, the answer comes back and it is very different to the life that you've got, then you've found some ambition. You've got a reason to live your life and not just bumble through it trying to get through to the next weekend or the next holiday away from your life. If there's something that you'd really like to create in your life, then start setting yourself a few goals. Look at the end result of what you want and work out the steps in between that you need to focus on so that you can make it happen.'cause when you have those steps, then you have a purpose. No matter how temporary, you have a purpose, a reason to get outta bed in the morning, a reason that will drive you forwards. And that is motivation. That purpose isn't something that gets you motivated. It's gonna be something that keeps you motivated. Because whether it is a conscious or an unconscious process, you're gonna have some sort of positive expectation, an expectation that you are going to achieve something no matter how small or seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. You can still expect to achieve something, and living in the mindset of expecting something is far more motivational than the mindset of just wishing for something, of just hoping that something will happen with those steps and any end result in mind. It also gives you some influence over your life, some sense of control, and that's not a bad thing either With all of this. You'll find that motivation just comes with it. It's part of it. So you don't need to look for motivation. Already motivated. People don't look for motivation to help them do stuff. They work out what needs to be done, and as long as there's a good reason to do it, then they've got a purpose and motivation comes as part of the package. But I guess what we need to do is make sure that we've got some consistency. That this attitude is maintained so that it can not only be a part of what we do and how we act, but who we are and it can become part of our personality. Then it becomes what we expect of ourselves, and that takes time and repetition. It takes feeling that it is wrong at first out of character. Until enough repetition goes by that it feels right. So it takes a bit of patience, but mostly it takes persistence. The best way to keep motivated is to stay focused on your plan, to have those steps that move you towards the end goal in your mind on a daily basis, which might mean something else has to give. There's maybe not enough room in your mind to be focused on the goals you have if you're having to push it away all the time because you've set yourself too many goals. It's not gonna be so easy to write a book if at the same time you've also decided to quit smoking. lose weight, learn the violin. If you have multiple goals, then in order to tackle them at the same time, each one in turn needs to become automatic and not a conscious effort before you can move on to the next one. So start with one thing and make that your focus for a while until you've got this motivated feeling, and then you can use the domino effect. To move on to the next thing. Otherwise you'll just feel overwhelmed. And that's stressful, not motivational. And we don't want stress to become a habit. Remember, anything that you repeat consciously will become unconscious. That's just how the brain works. And that's not just for the good habits, that's the bad habits as well. And everyone says how hard it is to break a habit. That's not gonna be anything that's. Earth shatteringly surprising to you. That comes outta this podcast episode. We know that bad habits are hard to break. Well, so are good ones. The same rule applies so consistent good habits will create the life you want, but you need to work out what those habits need to be. Now I'm trying. In this episode to be as ambiguous as I can so that what I talk about could be for anything and everything. So I do hope you can find something appropriate in what I'm waffling on about here, because needing motivation is gonna mean something different to each and every one of you. But no matter what it is that you might need motivation for, there are rules that apply to it all. And the most important being something I've said plenty of times, I think that actions come first, not feelings. Being motivated will only become a feeling after repeating the behaviour Many, many, many times. We can't sit around waiting to feel motivated before it feels right to start something. The starting something and the repetition of the doing of something has to come first, even if it feels wrong. we can't say, I'll do it when I feel motivated, or I'll do it when it feels right, because it's the other way around. It's the taking of the steps and the doing of the thing that creates the motivation to continue with it. It sounds a bit harsh, but we can't just sit around waiting for the motivation fairy to come and sprinkle some motivational dust on us. We have to take responsibility for it ourselves. We have to make the plans. We have to take the steps and make the motivation happen, and it does. It honestly does. Taking daily action will make you feel good no matter how small the steps you'll feel that you're getting somewhere. You'll produce more of the chemicals that antidepressants are supposed to help push along consistent daily action creates that feelgood dopamine release that comes with motivation. And if you still don't feel particularly motivated, then probably one or two things is going on here. Either the end goal you set isn't inspiring enough, maybe'cause it's not what you actually want, but maybe something that you think you should. Want, so it can't drive you forward. Or maybe it's what you want, but you just don't have the steps in between. There's no direction to go in, so it feels unrealistic. And so you have a background expectation of failure. Sometimes people will say to me that they lack motivation, and I'll ask them, motivated to do what? And they say everything, and that's what leads them to me for therapy. Until there is a reason to be motivated until we have some sort of goal, then why would they need motivation in the first place? Sometimes it's not depression that causes the lack of energy. Sometimes it is, of course, but sometimes it's the lack of motivation. It's the lack of purpose. There's no goal to get motivated about. If there's no target, then there's nothing to aim for. And the chances of hitting a target where you don't even know where it is is a bit slim, isn't it? And if there isn't actually anything to aim for anyway, then what do you need the motivation for? Well, you don't. So it's no wonder that you feel flat. So before thinking about the benefits of motivation, you might need to look at the benefits of goal setting first, whatever that goal is, whether it's to have 5,000 Instagram followers, or it's a goal to have a tidy house. No matter what it is, there are always specific clear steps to take that, make that happen. And by writing it down, committing it to a to paper or at least the notes up on your phone and seeing the steps that you've got to take, it'll give you brain an expectation of success. Of achievement, a purpose, a reason to open your eyes every day. It gives you the fuel, the energy to make it happen, and that is what motivation is. The reason why people who have goals are more motivated and enthusiastic in life is because they know where they're going, not just with conscious thoughts, but with unconscious feelings as well. Whether their goals are big or they're small, they get up every day. Knowing and feeling that they have a plan to work towards that day. Because motivation isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's just a feeling. And on its own, it's not gonna make anything happen. It takes action, but with enough time and practice, the action and the direction creates motivation. And as long as you keep up with the actions, the doing of the stuff. Then the combination of motivation and action means you'll probably achieve things that in the past you never believed that you could, but it needs to be consistent. It needs to be regular because staying motivated is the key here. It's not just getting motivated, it's staying motivated. That's what makes things happen. And if at first it feels out of character, then unless you're okay with that, it can feel fake. As if you're just pretending to be someone who can achieve anything they set their mind to and you don't see that you are learning how to be that, which obviously means not being that in the first place, and that's okay. Motivation with a purpose can turn the average person into a high achiever if that's what they want. And there's no better feeling than when you're on a journey that excites you, whether it's about health improvement, home improvement, mind improvement, there's a purpose to it that creates an electric energy that gets you through your day, gets you through your week, your month, your life with pleasure, with happiness. That's why when I first started this podcast back in, what, 2010? I called it motivate yourself. It probably didn't stand the test of time being called that,'cause my demographic grew, but it was appropriate at the time because I could see that motivation is the fuel for a lot of people. And I knew that people needed to hear that message about it, but we can be inspired and enthusiastic with any words, my words or the people's words. They can really make us hopeful and excited and if that's the case, then great. I'm glad to do that for you. But there is more to it because I, despite you listening, I, I'm here, but I'm still external to you. I can't do this for you. I can help you get motivated and maybe today's episode has done that for somebody. But you need to back that up with deliberate action and purpose. If you're missing some motivation, you might need to look further into your desires and find that purpose, find out what it really is that you want to achieve, and then you can genuinely commit your days to making it happen. And you will, and you won't have to work very hard to generate some motivation. So, you go and do that I'll be off for now. You have a super duper weak pod fans and I'll speak to you all again very, very soon. Tarra.