Fake It Till You Make It

Fake it till you make it sounds a little problematic and it can be, but when done properly learning to model confidence isn’t about being fraudulent, it’s about becoming a fuller, braver version of yourself.

Transcript

Richard: 0:00

Happy Friday folks. What have you lot been up to this week? This week I have been mostly getting my head around a new play that have been given a part in, and it's the lead, which is nice, but obviously a bit of hard work. But I do love it. I love stepping into somebody else's shoes and not just on stage either. But in the weeks and the months of the rehearsal beforehand. Helps me to realise just how much we all learn by modelling other people. By observing behaviour and internalising it. And this is something that psychologist Albert Bandura demoed brilliantly back in the sixties with his Bobo doll experiments. Where children would watch adults who were behaving aggressively towards an inflatable clown toy. And then these kids then imitated that behaviour later, inventing new ways to be aggressive with them. What it showed is that we don't just learn through direct experience. We also learn by observation. Through something that we call modelling. And this applies to everything, especially confidence. If you want to become more confident, the best way to start is by observing confident people. Notice how they speak, how they carry themselves, how they deal with pressure, and then start practicing those behaviours yourself. And this is what people mean when they say fake it till you make it, which is not about being inauthentic. It's about training your brain. When you mimic someone else's posture, their tone, their attitude. You're not being fake. You are learning. It's like watching a cooking video. It doesn't make you a fraud in the kitchen. Observing and practicing confidence helps you become confident. Our brains are wired for this. We've got mirror neurons that allow us to replicate what we see, and that's really powerful when we use it consciously. If you admire a speaker's ability to engage an audience, try incorporating some of their techniques, how they use their voice, their pauses, even their gestures. Over time, you'll notice that what once felt fake starts to feel natural. You are building confidence, not from nowhere, but from real learned behaviour. But you are still you. You're not trying to become that person. You are noticing what makes them effective and adapting that to suit you. And when that little voice pipes up and says you're a fraud, you can challenge it and remind yourself, I'm learning something new. Because you are. This is especially helpful when you're facing self-doubt. If you've looked at someone and thought, oh, I could never do that. But when you understand that confidence is built, not born, it becomes possible. Seeing someone who shares your background succeed can be incredibly empowering. It shows you that success isn't off limits. It's learnable. But we need to be careful, because only faking it, without any reflecting on it, can lead to an emotional dissonance. If how we act on the outside doesn't match how we feel on the inside, it can make us feel worse, and that's why it's really important to pair modelling with self-reflection. Don't just act confident. Work on understanding your insecurities as well.'cause that's where real growth comes from. And modelling can be a kind of exposure therapy. By acting confidently, even if you don't feel it, we are desensitising ourselves to anxiety and the feedback loop that creates where people respond positively to our confident behaviour that reinforces our self-esteem. So how to do this in a way that feels real. First off, choose your role models wisely. Look for people who balance confidence with kindness. You're not just copying bravado, you're learning authenticity. Observe the details. How do they move? Speak, respond under pressure. These are the clues that you can use and practice in private. Talk in the mirror. Record yourself. Walk into a room alone as if you already belong there. Let your nervous system get used to changes and speak kindly to yourself even if you do feel like a fraud at first, you're not faking. You're growing, remind yourself of that and reflect, often. Keep a journal, track your experiences, celebrate your progress. Because confidence, it isn't just a feeling, it's a habit as well. And like all habits they form through repetition. Now modelling gives us a practical framework to grow, not by pretending to be somebody else, but by stepping into the version of ourselves that we want to become. As the old phrase goes, if you can see it, you can be it. So. This week, try to notice the people who inspire you, pay attention to what it is that they do that you admire, and start practicing that not because you're not good enough as you are, but because you are growing into the next stage of who you can be. And I will speak to you again next week. Bye for now.