Triggers

Sometimes our brains take us back in time, whether we like it or not. A smell, a sound, a certain day on the calendar can pull us into the past like we’ve put on a pair of VR goggles.
In today’s episode I'm talking about getting triggered, what that really means, and how we can gently take those goggles off and come back to the here and now.

Transcript

Richard: 0:00

Question. Have you ever found yourself suddenly somewhere else? Not physically. But mentally as if a smell, a sound or just a change in the light has tugged at a thread in your memories and pulled you back to a moment you thought was long gone. That's what we mean when we talk about being triggered. And although the word gets tossed around a lot these days, it's not a buzzword'cause it's a real thing. It's a moment where your brain, when it's trying its best to protect you, accidentally yanks you away from the present, drops you into the past. It's like your mind suddenly changes the channel without asking you, and you're not just remembering you are reliving. Your heart might race, shoulders might tense up, and although there's nothing that's going on in your environment that's changed your whole internal world has shifted. Even a date on a calendar can do this. Mother's Day, Easter, birthdays. Grief has got a way of creeping up on us through dates on a calendar or the smell of the spring air or somebody's cut the grass or something. All of a sudden we're suddenly back in the hospital room or we're saying goodbye, or there's that feeling of that ache of absence. That's the thing about our brain. They don't just store facts, they store feelings. And sometimes a little nudge is all it takes to open a page in the photo book that you weren't meaning to look at. And I'll be honest, I had a funny moment the other week with a VR headset. I was playing a golf game and for half an hour I was convinced I was standing on a golf course. And when I took the headset off to answer the door, I felt genuinely disoriented. It got me thinking, being triggered is kind of like that. Only, it's not a headset you can lift off'cause it's emotional and sometimes it's overwhelming. So what do we do when that happens? Well, we start by noticing it. We make ourselves aware of it, noticing that we've shifted out of the present and we've gone somewhere else. But maybe we are responding like our younger self. The one who yet didn't have the tools, the knowledge, the support that we've gathered over the years, and then we gently bring ourselves back. And that might mean what we call grounding yourself physically, clapping your hands, rubbing your legs, taking a few deep breaths, focusing on the whole classic mindfulness stuff of the things that you can see, hear, and touch, and not because mindfulness is trendy. But because it genuinely works. But, this is the key, for some of us being in the body isn't always safe, especially when past trauma is tangled up in physical sensations. That's when in those moments we look outward. We watch the will go by, we make up silly stories about the people walking past your window. Use your imagination. Find something funny, laugh. Be curious.'cause laughter, even if it's just a little smirk, it can be a reset button. I was talking on Patreon the other week about someone who accidentally shouted quack instead of quick because their brain couldn't decide between quick and fast, and it all just sort of fell out wrong. And every time I think of it, I can't help but laugh. And I know it's silly, but it helps. And we all need a giggle trigger like that now and then. This is just a highlight, I know, but in the full episode, I walk through some simple steps that can help when a memory hijacks you. And they are, I'll go through'em quickly. One, acknowledge what happened. Don't brush it off, don't sugarcoat it. Just be honest. It was real and it hurt. Two, acknowledge how it made you feel, whatever that was. Fear, shame, sadness, let yourself name it. And three, remind yourself that you are not there now. You are here, now. You are safe and you're not alone. And if it helps to talk to yourself out loud to narrate what you are seeing or imagine the voice of someone who loves you, cares for you, telling you it's okay. Do that. There's no right way to come back to the present, only the way that works for you. So. If you've ever wondered what being triggered really means, or if you're just looking for a way to feel a little less alone with it, I think that episode might help. It's about recognising those moments when we feel lost in time, and learning how to gently guide ourselves back to the now, to safety, to the wiser. Stronger version of who we are today. So have a listen. There's a free trial on Patreon and if it resonates, do subscribe. There's plenty more where that came from. I'll leave you to it. Have a super duper week. I'll speak to you again soon. Bye.